How a Man Should Relate to Other People’s Politics, Religion, Beliefs, Identity and Opinions

A lot of people mistake being polite for pretending to agree with someone. That’s caused an interesting phenomenon: people with fringe ideas think the majority agree with them. They don’t. They’re pretending to agree because the insane person with a questionable hold on reality frames any disagreement as impolite. A man doesn’t pretend to agree to be polite. He disagrees politely. He also knows that:

• Beliefs are like assholes: everyone’s got one, and what comes out ain’t always pretty.
• There are more than eight billion people around; you can leave today and wake up in a place where everyone thinks you’re insane tomorrow.
• Disagreements are a natural part of life and don’t have to be resolved. A commie and a capitalist can discuss football.
• Some people love debating ideas. They might even pretend to hold views they don’t actually hold just to debate more. It’s a form of blood sport. And like all blood sports, it can be fun if it involves consenting adults.
• Some people thrive on drama and signalling their virtue. They’ve always existed, and even Jesus didn’t seem all that fond of ’em. ¹
• Coercion is a form of bullying. Bullies should be put in their place immediately.

The following is an incomplete list of positions you’re likely to encounter, where the person holding them might expect you to agree to be polite, along with the proper responses to them. Keep in mind that it ain’t their fault they’ve been trained to expect compliance. You don’t have to treat people who hold opposing views badly. Just know that, despite what popular culture tells you, you don’t have to humor them either.

• My religion / denomination, which isn’t your religion / denomination, is the only true religion / denomination.
  • No. Now, listen. You’re not gonna convert me in the next thirty minutes, and it doesn’t sound like I’m going to convert you either. If that’s a problem, that’s OK. We’ll just end this interaction and go our separate ways. OK? Great. Anyway, did you catch the game last night?
• I’m making a claim about my gender or identity that you don’t agree with. And I expect you to act as though it’s true. Also, here is my legal name, which conforms to the above.
  • I’ll call you by your name, and I won’t deliberately be an asshole to you. But I’m not going to conform to your subjective experience of reality. That’s just not something I do, and it’s not up for debate. If that’s a problem, that’s OK. We’ll just end this interaction and go our separate ways. OK? Great. Anyway, did you catch the game last night?
• I am loudly proclaiming my asinine views on politics to be the only correct views on politics.
  • You’re wrong. But I don’t reckon we’ll change each other’s minds in the next thirty minutes, and I’m not here to reenact debate day at school. Anyway, did you catch the game last night?
• My view on what constitutes a valid marriage / relationship / way of life differs from yours, and you have to recognise it as valid.
  • No. But don’t worry, that’s not gonna ruin my day, and it shouldn’t make you any less happy. Anyway, did you catch the game last night?
• You must believe XYZ or agree to do XYZ; otherwise, you’re a horrible person or member of some horrible group of people or somehow harming me.
  • No, and if you can’t handle disagreement without having an episode, your parents dropped the ball. Now, spending every waking moment screaming incoherent garbage at random strangers might be your idea of a good time, but it sure as hell ain’t mine. So cut the bullshit and get out of my face. Now, see that guy over there? He probably saw the game last night. I’m gonna talk to him.

As I said, this ain’t a complete list. The lesson is this: you don’t have to agree with people to be polite. Nor do you have to agree with people to be friends. I’m a Catholic. I have gay friends who claim to be married. They know where I stand on that. I don’t expect them to get a divorce just cause I don’t approve. They don’t expect me to call their union holy. And we sure as hell don’t talk about it. I still take weightlifting advice from them, though. And they still ask me about cars.

– Dad.

1. Matthew 6:5: “And whenever you pray, do not be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, so that they may be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward.”

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