Dad’s Old-Fashioned Petroleum-Based Beard Balm

4 October 2026 · 1 minute read

Style

Take one part good old-fashioned petroleum jelly.¹
Slowly heat it in a pot until it turns liquid.
Add one part beeswax.
Wait until the beeswax is melted.
Add a fragrance oil if you want.²
Very gently stir it a few times.
Pour the mix into a tin.
Let it cool slowly.
Massage a tiny dollop³ into your beard.

– Dad

That’s Vaseline, in case you’re wondering.
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Fragrance is like salt. Too little and it does nothing. Too much, and it ruins everything. Don’t be an idiot. Use your nose. And make sure it’s nothing toxic. See Don’t be an idiot.
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Pretend you’re applying toothpaste to your toothbrush.
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